Hawaiian Drivers Application: Fill it out

[kuma912]

I'm bored. Lets have some fun.

HAWAIIAN DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION
(pidgin kind style)

Please try to complete dis as best as you can.

Last name:________________________________________ [if your last Name no fit, continue on da other side of da page.]

First name:
[ ] Junior
[ ] Junior Boy
[ ] J.B. (short for Jr. Boy)
[ ] Honey Girl
[ ] Tita
[ ] Sistah
[ ] Braddah
[ ] Sistah-Girl

Sex: [ ]M [ ]F [ ]Mahu [ ]None

Slippah size____ Left ____ Right

Weight:
[ ]Shmall kind
[ ] Mejum
[ ] Shmall kind big
[ ] Momona

Eyes:
[ ] Blind as one bat
[ ] Bad, but not dat bad
[ ] She go!
[ ] Black and Blue

Occupation:
[ ] Construction workah
[ ] Sanitation Engineer
[ ] Surfah
[ ] Lei greeter
[ ] Waitress
[ ] Stripper
[ ] Un-employed
[ ] Bishop Estate Trustee

Spouse's Name: ______________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: _______________________________
2nd Lover's Name: ___________________________

Nationality:
[ ] Hawaiian
[ ] Popolo
[ ] Japanee
[ ] Filipino
[ ] Haole
[ ] Portagee if yes; explain why:
[ ] Pake if yes; explain why:
[ ] All da above

Numbah of children living in household: ____________

Numbah of children living in your household das not yours: _____

Numbah of children thats buming off of you das over 23 years old: _______

Mother's Name:______________________(Relation__________)
Father's Name:_______________________(Relation__________)

Edumacation: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

What year you wen grad: ____ (if unsure, try guess)

If you obtained one higher edumacation what was your major?
[ ]5th grade [ ] 6th grade

Cawheelas you own and where dey stay:
___ Total number of cawheelas you own
___ Numbah of cawheelas that still crank ovah
___Numbah of cawheelas wit rust
___ Numbah of cawheelas no mo rust
___ Numbah of cawheelas on cement blocks
___ Numba of cawheelas stay held together with duct tape.

Age you started fo drive ______ (If over 10 slow learner ?)
[ ] Yes[ ] No

Do you have a surf rack? [ ] Yes [ ] No;
If no, please explain:

Color of teeth:[ ] Yellow [ ] Brownish-Yellow[ ] Brown [ ] Black [ ] N/A

How far is your home from a paved road?
[ ] 1 miles
[ ] 2 miles
[ ] don't know

Distance between you and da beach? ______

Do you live on beach front property but you don't own a house or the land? Please explain:

How many times have you gotten away with a DUI this year because you were related to da policeman? ____

How much beer do you drink a day? [ ] 6 pack [ ] 12 pack [ ] 18 pack [ ]case

How do you know that you had too much to drink?
[ ] You fall out of da car when da policeman opens da ca door.
[ ] Da keg is empty.
[ ] You Haole but your eyes look like de from one Japanee.
[ ] When you piss, da bugga smell like Budweiser.
[ ] All of the above.

[jfive]

Lol, huh, interesting. Guess you have to be from Hawaii to understand some of that. Haha.

[kuma912]

Originally Posted by jfive

Lol, huh, interesting. Guess you have to be from Hawaii to understand some of that. Haha.

I gotta go find the date my daughter application

[kuma912]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
2. HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________ ________________
DRIVERS LICENSE#__________________________________________ _______________
BOY SCOUT RANK:_____________________________________________ _____________
4. HOME ADDRESS:__________________________________________ __________________
CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
5. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _______ yes? _______ no?
6. Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
7. Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
8. In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? __________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

__________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? __________________________________________________ _______________________

__________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
11. Congregation you attend:___________________________________________ ____
How often do you attend?___________________________________________ ______

When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)__________________________________________ ___
__________________________________________________ _______________________
12. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________

ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is __________________________________________________ _______________________
2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ __________________________________________________ _______________________
3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ __________________________________________________ _______________________
5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ __________________________________________________ _______________________

(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)



I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.



____________________________________________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.

[Carbon]

I like the daughter one Im going to save it for when I have kids.

[bluefang08]

Best one i ever saw was the booty call application. *looking*

[kuma912]

Originally Posted by bluefang08

Best one i ever saw was the booty call application. *looking*

BOOTY CALL APPLICATION

BOOTY CALL! Please fill out the below application if you want to be a booty call for this person. (To be taken very seriously)



Name: ___________________

Age:______________*
*
*Phone: (____) ____________

Occupati*on: ____________________*
*
*Height______ Weight______


Married(*Y/N)__ Single(Y/N)___ Other_________

Sexual* Orientation: __________

How often do u wanna have sex?(check appropriate answer)
Daily__ Weekly__ Monthly__ As much as possible__


How long can u last? (check appropriate answer)
1min ___ 15min__ 30min__ 1hr__ all nite___

Do u like Giving oral sex? (Y/N)___

What could you do for me that no one else could?:



Which do u prefer? (check appropriate box)
One on one__ Doubles__ Group___

While having sex, what do u do? (place "X" in all appropriate boxes)

Faint__
Cry__
Mo*an__
Wiggle__
Twist__
J*erk about__
Pant__
Sweat__*_
Scream__
Hum__
Whistl*e__
Just lie there__


List three positions u like:
1.
2.
3.

What is ur preferred place? (place "X" in appropriate spaces)
Slow__ Fast__ Very fast__ Rigorous___

Do you like rough sex?
No__ Sometimes__ Always__

Do you like to talk dirty?
No__ Sometimes__ Always__

When is the best time to reach u? (place "X" in appropriate spaces)
Morning__ Afternoon__ Nite___

How late can u stay out? (place "X" in appropriate spaces)
11-12am__ 1-2am__ all nite___

Any talent or skills(Y/N) if so, list:

Most interesting place you've done it:


What would you do to me if we were stuck alone together in an elevator for an hour?:

FILL OUT AND I'LL GET BACK TO YOU

[mclovintsx]

damn these are good. I especially like the daughter one. =]

[azn120]

LOL these are too funny!

[shay654]

Oh mayn, I had this one for I think dating a daughter but waaaay funnier! I think that's what it was! Or was it a boyfriend application! Oh wait, it was a bf application! hahahahaa It's freakin' HILARIOUS! I'd have to email that though! I couldn't save it to my file! But mayn, it was off the hook funny! hahaha